A Lesson about “Wait”

I tried submitting a couple of applications to companies since our arrival from CDO. I haven’t gotten any response, yet I’m still optimistic.
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I had an interview from a company weeks ago. I’m pretty sure I didn’t send any application to them, so I don’t know how they got my number. Anyway, I still went and had them interviewed me. They offered me a bank teller position since they still don’t have an IT-related job opening at that time. I was like NR for a moment. I went home with mixed emotions: I was dismayed and somehow I had this thinking of “What-if-i-consider” the position as the interviewer told me to do so. The perks were really good. I could have almost bitten it. I actually asked other people’s opinion, some said no, while others told me that it’s ok even if it’s off my track. But after days of praying and asking for God’s will, He told me to:

Wait for the Lord, be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord. – Psalm 27:14

With a stress there, the impressions I received from that were:

“Not that one. I have better plans, just wait.” or:

“The position will be vacant for as long as you don’t get to sit on it. But right now is not just the right time, so wait.”

Pretty bold huh..hehe. Honestly at first I was really hesitant on the words God have put in my heart. But as time flew, God would let me understand and convinced me to really wait for His perfect plan to unfold in his perfect timing.

Whether he has other plans or he has the same plan but on other time, what I must do is to wait and submit to His will.

Now What?

It took me so long to write here again..mainly because I was busy struggling to finish the numerous requirements in school to qualify for Graduation. And even when I already knew that I’ll be graduating 2 weeks before March 28, 2009 which also meant that my schedule was breathing normal then and actually have all the reasons to share the world how happy and inspired I was for finishing my college race, I still found excuses for not blogging. One is very reasonable but can be solved, and the second is one thing I’m afraid to admit (or didn’t want to admit because it’s actually my first and hidden reason). The first was because, we had no internet connection for like a month.. And I was so paralyzed! See! Reasonable, though can be solved! Trying to make excuse, only to fool myself!

So much of the fooling stuff! I planned before for my comeback on blogging about how thankful I am to God and to my parents for sending me to school; and that I was extremely joyous that I had no failing grades, which qualified me for graduation; and that the 16 years I spent studying is worth the joy I had. But there was a fear in me at the back of my mind, a big question of: NOW WHAT? (my hidden reason) I’ve been avoiding the feeling of being bugged by my own mind while blogging or answering replies. Though I really can’t escape (yes, fooling myself again), but at least to lessen man lang the uneasiness of thinking and thinking.

It was hard dealing with the things that would affect and define my future. I’ve got only two hands, which I’m sure can’t serve two masters; two feet, which can’t go separate ways; a heart and a mind that never meet. But I also know that if I entrust my life to God and submit to His will (that is perfect and pleasing) I know I can never go wrong. But, how can I know His will? Before, I admit that I was really afraid to know, that’s why I’ve been avoiding it, I didn’t even try seeking for it because I know that you won’t find answers if you don’t seek. It was really hard juggling these questions in my mind:
1. Am I just assuming or making up things on what could be God’s will is for me?
2. What if I assumed it right and I didn’t follow it?
3. What if I assumed it right, and decided to follow it? How will I tell my parents? How are my responsibilities in church? How’s the promising IT Career that could possibly await me?
4. How long does it take to find out His will? Can I work while waiting for His answer?
5. Who can give me answers? How can I hear God? How?
6. And the lists goes on and on..

Now, I’ve resoluted to find for answers because these questions have kept me from organizing my resume. Instead of letting my own mind pester me, I’ll now lay to God the big question I’ve been crazily asking myself: LORD, tell me, now what will I do?

Am I “goal-ing” right?

Just thought to share my answers to our assignment in SRM(System Resource Management) last Saturday. Some of the questions are the ones that are so difficult for me to answer. Hard in a sense that, I don’t know if I’m thinking like the way He thinks for my future.. (am I dreaming the wrong dream?)

What is your ultimate goal in life?

If I would have to follow my own gratification my ultimate goal is to be a successful businesswoman someday. It doesn’t mean that to be successful I would be famous or renowned; I only want a simple and humble life, a life away from shortage and deprivation. I would like to tour the world with a faithful husband and 3 loving kids with me. But those are my own dreams, if God has other plans for me I wouldn’t hesitate to do what He wants.

What will be your plan to achieve your goal?

After I graduate, I plan to ask my Dad to give me a small amount of money that I could use as my starting capital for a small business. I would ask some of my friends (those who are willing) to partner with me. And hopefully if that business will bloom I would like to start putting up other branches out of it.

Who has the most significant influence in your life?

The one person who has influenced me significantly is my dad’s sister, Auntie Kit. My tita graduated with a bachelor course 10 years ago. But a few months right after graduation, she accepted God’s calling for her to be a missionary. She left all her dreams and the potential career she could have tasted if she had only pursue her college degree. Her parents didn’t understand at first her decision, a normal reaction I guess. She didn’t get her parents’ approval and support. I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for her. But now, as I see how my tita surpassed those times of condemnation, I can’t help but admire her. For me, she is a living example of a person who’s living by faith. I have a high regard for her submission to God.

Who do you think is the most inspiring political leader / historical leader?

I have been very inspired by women who had an exceptional role in history and whose contribution has evidently affected our world today. One of those female leaders I’m inspired with is Indira Gandhi. My stock knowledge tells me that she was a Prime Minister of India, the first and only female who held the position, I guess. The only reason why I considered her to have inspired me is because she has proven not only to her countrymen but as well as the whole world that feminine figures can lead a country despite its state of instability and chaos. It was no easy job. One has to have deep courage to do so. She made friends and enemies too, that’s why, undoubtedly she was assassinated just like the other well-known male leaders of our history.

<!–[endif]–> If you were to open your own business, what type of business will it be?

It’s my dream to create (or co-create) a restaurant. Food is a necessity for all people, so if there’s a business that I’m sure will not go wasted, it’s a food business. If it’s not a restaurant I will be managing, then I think it would be a catering service business. Just anything related to food. Also, since I have a deep passion to read books and write anything under the sun, I have two other dream businesses, those are to own a bookstore and have a publishing house of my own. Nice!