It took me so long to write here again..mainly because I was busy struggling to finish the numerous requirements in school to qualify for Graduation. And even when I already knew that I’ll be graduating 2 weeks before March 28, 2009 which also meant that my schedule was breathing normal then and actually have all the reasons to share the world how happy and inspired I was for finishing my college race, I still found excuses for not blogging. One is very reasonable but can be solved, and the second is one thing I’m afraid to admit (or didn’t want to admit because it’s actually my first and hidden reason). The first was because, we had no internet connection for like a month.. And I was so paralyzed! See! Reasonable, though can be solved! Trying to make excuse, only to fool myself!

So much of the fooling stuff! I planned before for my comeback on blogging about how thankful I am to God and to my parents for sending me to school; and that I was extremely joyous that I had no failing grades, which qualified me for graduation; and that the 16 years I spent studying is worth the joy I had. But there was a fear in me at the back of my mind, a big question of: NOW WHAT? (my hidden reason) I’ve been avoiding the feeling of being bugged by my own mind while blogging or answering replies. Though I really can’t escape (yes, fooling myself again), but at least to lessen man lang the uneasiness of thinking and thinking.

It was hard dealing with the things that would affect and define my future. I’ve got only two hands, which I’m sure can’t serve two masters; two feet, which can’t go separate ways; a heart and a mind that never meet. But I also know that if I entrust my life to God and submit to His will (that is perfect and pleasing) I know I can never go wrong. But, how can I know His will? Before, I admit that I was really afraid to know, that’s why I’ve been avoiding it, I didn’t even try seeking for it because I know that you won’t find answers if you don’t seek. It was really hard juggling these questions in my mind:
1. Am I just assuming or making up things on what could be God’s will is for me?
2. What if I assumed it right and I didn’t follow it?
3. What if I assumed it right, and decided to follow it? How will I tell my parents? How are my responsibilities in church? How’s the promising IT Career that could possibly await me?
4. How long does it take to find out His will? Can I work while waiting for His answer?
5. Who can give me answers? How can I hear God? How?
6. And the lists goes on and on..

Now, I’ve resoluted to find for answers because these questions have kept me from organizing my resume. Instead of letting my own mind pester me, I’ll now lay to God the big question I’ve been crazily asking myself: LORD, tell me, now what will I do?